Mark Alan Taylor

Mark Alan Taylor’s Story — Mark is an adoptee, conceived in rape. He’s from Texas and available for speaking — jwales726@live.com

I, like many adopted children at sometime in their lives, yearned to find my biological mother and father. My yearning began when I, as a young child, was told the man and woman I was calling mom and dad wasn’t real. That has resonated in my soul to this very day. What was real were the feelings and emotions I had throughout my life and they ranged from emptiness to shame.

As I went through life and all the ups and downs associated with it, the yearning I had in my heart for my biological mother and father never waned and kept growing. Many times, I couldn’t pretend anymore that I was happy-go-lucky — as the face I put on showed. There were times I cried a river of tears. I tried to put it out of my mind as people suggested, but it didn’t work. My feeling and emotions would soon again come bubbling to the surface.

As a human being, I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that my mother and father was somewhere on the face of this earth. But where? And why was I here? It has possessed my thoughts each and every day of my life.

As a teenager, I went to a church one night and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. From that night, it seemed that the hole in my life and soul just kept getting bigger. One would think His love for my life would suffice my yearning, but it didn’t.

My adoptive parents didn’t attend church and my faith in God waned as my want for my mother and father increased a million fold. At the age of 23, my first wife and I moved to Nashville, Tennessee so she could mend her life with her father, and we started attending Faith is the Victory church . The pastor’s name was Charles Cowan. I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ, and was baptized soon after.

I was at church every time the doors were open. I went to Bible study and kept my nose in the word of God. It still didn’t fill the void in my life. My wife and I divorced in 1989, and I soon moved back to Texas with a even bigger hole in my soul, but with some understanding of God’s word in my heart. I still thank Carolyn Morrow for the Bible she gave me that I still carry to this
day.

My life back in Texas was a rocky one because the desire to find my mother and father had still grown even more, and it showed. I met my second wife and she supported my desire to find my real mother and father. And then it happened! Texas changed the law regarding adoption records. This was 1998. It was still another 11 years before throwing my hands up in despair. My second marriage had failed, my business had failed, I had failed in many ways before God and Man.

I gave my adoption file to a lady who has been a Godsend to me. Her name is Nancy. Taking the file, she began her search for my biological family. First she found my two half-brothers from a short marriage in 1960-1963. Less than a month later, she found what I will describe as the most
heartbreaking information any person could hear — she had found a social security death index in my mother’s name.

I always dreamed of hugging my mother’s neck and looking into her eyes as any son would, but I knew beyond any doubt that would not happen. For just a while, my world collapsed. My tears could fill any ocean to its brim. I could only find where she was buried and that led me out of state. That
information was obtained through the coroner’s office and the funeral home.

I found my mother’s grave and during my stay, I was informed my mother was raped. This knowledge changed everything except for my true undying love for my mother, for she carried me in her womb and God knew me before I was there. Even though I’ll never get to see my mother on earth, I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that there will be a day when I will look into my mother’s eyes and hug her neck and we will both know God had a plan for us.

As I stood at her grave with tears in my eyes, I experienced a rebirth as I felt the love and warmth of both her and God. I can’t say that my life will be perfect in any perspective of the world, but undoubtedly perfect in God’s eyes because my mother did not abort my life. It has purpose and resolve — for both my mother and for me, the unborn child who was conceived in
rape. I will work tirelessly with others as I am to see that each and every child conceived has that right to life as my mother and God gave me, no matter the circumstances of their conception. There are still matters to take care of and only God knows the end from the beginning.